I do not envy the children.
As a child we want the world to be simple, and as adults when we think
of childhood, we think of simpler times, free from worry and fear and
the problems that come with broken hearts, debt collectors and late night regrets.
But the simplicity of childhood does not deserve such sentimentality.
As a child I wished for a simple family, free of complications or disfunction.
As a child complication was embarrassing, disfunction was frustrating and my teddy bear
told me that if I were luckier, the world would offer me a black and white family.
When you were a child, your mother stayed home and your father had a good job,
and clothes that could not get grubby, but were washed so they would never lose their
crispness. There were two sets of grandparents, none of your cousins had children out of
wedlock. wedlock. A scary sounding word that children know and find comfort in. Stability in wedlock.
Now that I am not a child, I see the world differently. I have had my heart broken, and I have
accepted debt onto my shoulders. I have late night thoughts of what to do, what should have been done, and I have known loss. My family is not black and white. My family is rich with color. And through the richness of my family, I have been exposed to the great miracle that is human kindness. The beauty and magic that permeates a family tree when a baby is born, to anyone remotely within the reach of a single branch. Sisters sharing babies with sisters, daughters sharing children with their parents, remote family taking babies in, raising them and loving them without regard to blood. Marriage, and divorce and death and new life. Family is not supposed to be rigid with thick lines separating people. Family puts a hand in the small of your back and tells you that despite the pain and the problems that life has in store, there is someone out there who will call you family. Even if there is less than a drop of blood in common. I love my family and I am proud of them all. I appreciate the lessons they teach me and I hope to live up to their example.
But I don't envy the children.
